Apple Butt Turkey

Okay, so I'm cutting it short writing this the day before the Big Day. Thanksgiving is the National Holiday for this army, so I figured I had best post a few recipes for my faithful soldiers, toiling away before their stoves.

I've taken inspiration from a few different cooks on my Turkey recipe. Over the years I've perfected the process to deliver a turkey even my husband will take seconds on. (He doesn't like turkey, and bitches about not having ham every. single. year.) I only started brining my turkey last year; I found the brine that I concocted was far too salty, so this year we're using Alton Brown's brine.

For me, I've found the secret to a delicious turkey is simple: it's in the bag. Cook your turkey in a bag! Not only does it make for easy cleanup, it provides ample drippings for the gravy and stuffing (see previous recipes for those). It also leaves you free to handle your other dishes, because if your bird is in the bag, you don't have to baste it. If you don't want to cook it in the bag for whatever reason, that's fine too - this recipe will still work. Just baste it every so often to retain the juices.

Apple Butt Turkey
Serves: 4 really good eaters or 8 polite eaters
Nutritional Info: I have no idea.

Items:
12-16 lb. Turkey (I prefer hens, they taste better. Make sure you remove the plastic bag inside of giblets and innards and whatever else they put in there. My first year trying this, I left the bag inside and roasted the turkey. Oh the memories.)
4 cups Granny Smith apples, cut into large pieces (Don't worry about removing the seeds/stem/core. You're not going to eat the apples anyway.)
4 cups sweet onion, cut into large pieces
1 head elephant garlic, peeled into cloves
8 tbsp Butter, melted
8 tbsp Canola or Olive oil
1 tbsp fresh sage
1 tbsp fresh parsley
McCormick's Turkey Rub (Or you can make your own blend of spices)
Emeril's Essence
Black pepper
Salt

For the Brine:
Source: Alton Brown's Turkey Recipe
Note: I omitted the allspice berries and added garlic (of course) because I don't care for the flavor of allspice. Also, I don't use his aromatics. I find that cooking it within the bag and using the flavors I already include has always provided a great deal of flavor.

Okay, now comes the easy part. Follow the directions from Lord Alton on brining the turkey. On Thursday morning, rinse off your bird, pat it dry, and set it in your roasting pan with the wings tucked under. You can truss the legs if you feel the need; I never do.

Take your apples, onions, elephant garlic, parsley, and sage. Mix it all in a bowl until it's relatively mixed; you can add a touch of olive oil if you feel the need. Add black pepper and salt to taste. Promptly open up your bird's back end and cram it full of this mixture. For good measure, cram some down the neck too.

Once you've done this, you can put the extra out around the bird in the bag, if you want. Coat the bird liberally with the butter, either brushing it on or with your hands. Rub in your turkey rub, the black pepper if you like, and some Essence. Close the bag and secure it.

In a preheated 350-degree oven, place your bird. Have a meat thermometer ready to check for temp. The turkey is done when juices run clear, the legs move easily in their joint and the bird registers at 160 degrees internal temp. You can check this by inserting the thermometer in the thickest part of the thigh. Now, you CAN remove the bird from the bag before it's done cooking. I've done this and it's perfectly fine. When I do that, I simply brush the bird with butter and baste for a bit. It's still delicious. When the turkey is done, take it out and cover it with tented foil, allowing it to rest for awhile. While it's resting, draw off the drippings and reserve for gravy and dressing. Let your husband carve it so he feels like he did something to participate.