Chicken Littles and White Trash Risotto Pea-laf

I like to shop according to whatever is on sale at the market. Rachel Ray and all the other snobs on the Food Network might be able to afford eight dollar mushrooms and forty dollar cuts of beef, but come on. I got bills to pay!

So whenever I watch a cooking show, I say to myself, "huh. I wonder how I could trash that out a little." Which in my lexicon means, "to make something just as delicious with affordable substitutes".

It seems like they all make risotto. I think chefs latch on to whatever crap they think is trendy and then beat the recipe to death with a million different trendy adaptations. I mean, that's great and all, but I like making food with yummy staples that remains affordable, not gourmet art that "responds to a sophisticated palate". That's a fancypants way of saying "You'll think this tastes like shit if you don't know what food tastes like."

So what's my white trash risotto? It's easy. I make Rice-a-Roni and I put other stuff in it. You can add peas, other veggies, fresh herbs, you can add salsa and cheese if you want, even. Technically it's nothing like risotto, but if the yuppie chefs on the Food Network can put shit like cranberries and porcini mushrooms and wine in their "risotto", I can call my dish White Trash Risotto all I want, laughing all the way to the bank. Why, you ask? Because Rice-A-Roni is only a dollar-fifty per box.

Another thing to watch for at the store is Cornish Game Hens. They freeze well, are usually between 3-6 dollars per pack of two, and they're small enough that they can serve one hungry person or two not-so-hungry people. They're also great for kids, who think they're getting their own chicken. Don't correct them; if they think it's chicken they'll probably still eat it.

This is an easy roast hen recipe that requires minimal effort for the punch it packs on the table. My hens were so tender when I took them out to rest that one fell apart. I used the savory drippings to flavor my white-trash risotto, and added Steamfresh peas to the mix to make it a Pea-laf. Get it?! Pea-laf?!

Chicken Littles and White Trash Risotto Pea-laf

The basics:
Time: 1.5 Hours, start to finish
Serves: 2 hungry people or 4 not-so-hungry people
Nutritional Info: Who cares?

Ingredients:

2 Cornish Game Hens, rinsed and cavities empty
8 cloves garlic (Shut up, Amy)
4 tbsp Olive Oil
1 medium sized onion
1 carrot, sliced any which way you like
2 bay leaves
4 sprigs fresh thyme OR 1 tsp dried
2 sprigs rosemary OR 1/4 tsp dried
1 small handful fresh sage, snipped OR 2 tsp dried (I would recommend at least springing for the fresh sage, if not all the herbs)
Poultry Seasoning
Sea Salt
Fresh cracked black pepper
2 tbsp butter

Rinse your hens well and pat dry. Set aside. Spray a glass pan with nonstick cooking spray or use olive oil, or use a nonstick roasting pan. Cut your onion in half and reserve one half. Take your other half and all of the garlic and put in the food processor, adding the rosemary leaves and a healthy sprinkle of pepper and poultry seasoning. Pulse with enough olive oil to make a creamy, smooth paste.

Chop your other half-onion loosely and throw it in your pan with the carrots, sage, thyme, salt, pepper, and bay leaves. Drizzle oil over both hens to lightly cover the skin; cover with a liberal dose of salt, pepper, and poultry seasoning. Take your garlic-onion paste and stick it where the cornish sun don't shine. Cover with a loose foil tent and place in the oven at 350 degrees. Every half hour check the birds; baste with the juices in your pan or with chicken broth. In the last twenty minutes or so, place 1 tbsp butter directly on top of the hen breast. Hens are done when juices run clear, legs move freely and internal temperature is 180 degrees with a meat thermometer in the thickest part of the thigh.

Meanwhile, while your hens are roasting...

White Trash Risotto Pea-laf
Servings: 2-4
Time: 20 minutes
Nutritional Info: Who cares?

Ingredients:
1 box Rice-a-Roni, chicken flavor
2 tbsp butter or spread
1 cup fresh or frozen peas (Not canned. No. Bad.)
1-2 tbsp Drippings from roasted hens

Prepare Rice-a-Roni as per directions on the box. Once it's done, add the peas and the drippings, stirring well to coat the rice and vermicelli. Let it cook in for about five minutes and serve alongside your Chicken Littles.