The Best Mashed Potatoes Ever

I almost missed the Potatoes Post! What a slackass.

I'm a big fan of potatoes. In fact, if it were up to me potatoes would be a mandated side dish to all meals, on pain of death for insubordination. Okay, not really. I just like potatoes, okay?

So I'm always on the lookout for new ways to make them, because let's face it, plain old baked can get pretty boring. Potatoes are sort of like your frumpy best friend; she wears mohair cardigans every day, even though she could totally pull off a red-hot sheath mini. Which leads me (somehow) to our recipe: The Best Mashed Potatoes Ever (Or TBMPE, to those in the know).

This recipe was developed from a base recipe by Tyler Florence. I like Tyler Florence. His recipes can be really delicious, but he has a habit all chefs have: he overcomplicates things. His recipe, Grainy Mustard Mashed Potatoes, is delicious except for one thing.

MUSTARD DOES NOT BELONG IN POTATOES.

Why would you ever ruin a perfectly good bowl of mashed potatoes by dumping in some Grey Popoun?! Why!? It practically made me want to scream "Oh, the humanity!"

So I adapted this recipe as I saw fit. Most of the credit still goes to Tyler, though, because these mashed potatoes are to die for. They are easy to dress up; you can definitely add bacon bits, cheese, chives, a number of things to dress it up a little. You can add anything, really.

Except mustard. There's just some lines you don't cross.

The Basics:
2 LBS whatever kind of potatoes you like, peeled (You can leave the peels on for Yukon Golds, Whites, New Potatoes, etc if you like)
2 cups whole milk
2 cups heavy cream
6 cloves garlic, smashed or pureed (Yes yes, yet more garlic)
2 Sprigs Thyme
2 tablespoons butter, plus extra to taste
1 Bay leaf

Throw everything in a pot together and heat over medium heat. Make sure you keep track of the bay leaf and the thyme sprigs so you can pick them out when done. Once the potatoes are tender, either strain them from the cream mixture (while reserving all the liquid!) or scoop them out to put in a mixing bowl. Slowly add the cream mixture to your desired consistency. The longer you whip the potatoes, the stiffer and thicker they will become due to the cream. Add as much butter, salt, and fresh cracked pepper as you like. Eat at least a few spoonfuls by yourself in the kitchen before anyone catches you. Don't forget to take out the bay leaf so you don't poison anyone, and try not to put the thyme sprigs into the mix. Some thyme will escape into the mix anyway, but it'll mostly be the little leaves and it adds a great flavor regardless. Enjoy!